HELPING YOUR CHILD GROW SERIES; breaking the cycle of couples’ conflicts in parenting


The series; HELPING YOUR CHILD GROW, beams the search light on how the conflicts between couples in parenting consequently contribute in no small measure to the healthy growth of children under them. I bring this to the front burner today to address because it is a disorder that we have lived with for ages and as parents we must be extremely careful about the influences to which we expose our children to.

Children exist first, within the framework of immediate and extended family, hence the need for couples to think of the child above their egos because parenting and modeling is certainly about helping our children to grow to become adjusted adults. This is the highest calling anyone should be proud of.

Be that as it may parenting job can be possessive and intriguing when it comes to who calls the shots between the couples simply because of the love and passion we both have for our kids and this naturally sometimes leads to disagreement on which is the best choice of styles to raise the kids with. Nevertheless we must not lose focus of the aim and objective of parenting regardless of the style chosen and whose pendulum the authority in the home swings.

while it is equally characteristically permissive for couples to have disagreements on other domestic issues and such could go unnoticed but same cannot be said of dissents that border on how to parent their children.

In some homes, the dissonance is out of this world where children are bombarded from right to left with different divergence orders forgetting that we live in an interdependent world where what our children hear, see, feel, experience, and learn will affect how they GROW up and who they become. Kids receive much of their vision from within the family. We are the lens through which they see the world. It therefore should be a TABOO to see couples engage in a war of superiority over whose instructions the child should listen to and carry out.

I have seen this happen again, and again with the trend showing no sign of abatement among some families. So let us take a look at the following signs among others and how it affects the growth of our kids

1. Refusal of either of the couples to accept the full responsibility of the relational and behavioral tendency of the children. This invariably will cause the children to flourish brazenly in errors. Empowerment comes to children when we help them discover their strengths, weaknesses, and opportunities that will distinguish and set them apart to GROW up.

2 An attitude of who cares; “his father/mother indulged him/her”, that’s his/her problem, not mine. A dangerous terrain this is, as couples may have inadvertently resigned our fate to a state of recluse; children under this situation grow up to become emotionally brittled adults for lack of required and relevants modelling from parents. The consequence of this is for a society to have retarded brand of product in dysfunctional adults who lacked Fathers/Mothers effect/figure while growing up

3. Couples’ belief in divergent parenting styles in defiance to the demand of right values for kids. This in turn sets the children up to become scavengers of discarded odds and ends – making them victims of social media vomits and as such blinding their mind to see the imminent social threats to look out for in the journey of a purposeful growth

4. Favourtism among children with couples taken sides flagrantly. This negates one of the basic principles in parenting that each child should feel valued, special and appreciated by both parents. When favoritism exists and takes centre stage in parenting, GROWTH is hindered, disfavoured child(ren) will learn to GROW up with hates, unforgiveness, and vengeance.

The easier way out of this malady is for parents to see the interest of the children as the FOCAL POINT in parenting. It should remain sacrosanct….so as not to make our children to reap the fruits of our ignonimous action later on.

At this point I inspire couples to work assiduously in crafting intimacy, trust, and understanding, with one another towards the common purpose of the interest of the child. Understanding means responding to the kids’ circumstances with insight into the perspective of the child. Achieving this demands seeking daily wisdom in one another. Wisdom is the skill in everyday living. Seeking daily wisdom is best achieved when couples willingly subject themselves to proper parenting education so as to be on the same page in the updates of knowledge with regards to the existing experiences, circumstances, and environment of the child, as against the usual ‘this is the way I was raised’.

Thank you for your time while waiting for your comments, contributions, and questions.

Akinropo Akinola
Parenting Development Expert


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