The perceptible proliferation of social problem in our society hugely characterized by the ever increasing daily reports of violence and assault in almost every department of our lives is only a symptom of our collective failure to help adults of today who were kids many years ago the need and the understanding to grow in CIVILITY.

Civility is the act of showing regard for others by being polite in attitude, speaking, relationship, and association. In other words, being friendly and nice to everyone.

CIVILITY and HUMANITY is a siamese twins; thy are so joined at the hip, the sound judgement of it that we have in the former makes it easier for the later to have free course of expression in our lives and the entire society that we are part of and live in

Civility as it is has NO religion; it treats everybody fear, just, and equal, without regards to known tribe, no potent affiliation to any profession or class, or discrimination on the basis of race, ethnicity, creed, national or state of origin, intelligence, sex, sexual orientation, or age. Its policies and practices rather makes everybody that adheres strictly to them a beneficiary of the benefits in it.

The value of civility is as old as the creation, and must have played an intricate part in the culture of a true humanity judging by the breadth and the philosophy of the quote dedicated to it by Mary Monthagu; CIVILITY COSTS NOTHING, and BUYS EVERYTHING . I equally subscribe unequivocally that it is simply the custodian of the society’s moral fabric.

In the light of the above it’d then be right to admit that civility places a huge demand on parents who are major stakeholders in the society with a great responsibility of setting an example for their children to follow; when children grow up in a home that is conducted after the principles of civility, then good citizens are deemed to have been trained for the society……..reversed is the case if other way round.

Few weeks ago I was privileged to be a guest of the CIVILITY PRESENCE; a US based online talk show program owned and anchored by the Civility Expert, Louisa Akaiso. I was billed to speak on the civility presence in FATHERHOOD. I must commend this great woman for the awesome work she’s doing in that space. The highlight is the how FATHERS’ presence in the home can inspire in kids civility. I submitted inter alia, that fathers must lead in presenting an enabling environment for reinforcement of positive beliefs system in kids; civility inclusive. But can parents give what they don’t have? No. From my engagements and afterwards experiences with parents across classes, spheres and space, I have come to realise that only a very few of us were raised with civility; most that claims they do were either not raised with right tools or rather tutored with deficient mindset of the caregivers, while many of us didn’t grow up with the depth meaning of what the word civility is all about.

Going by this observation the present contemporary society of ours is peopled by a hybrid of few that were raised with civility and many that were not raised with it, and by all account with greater dominant DNA of those that weren’t raised with civility. This is a great concern for all. However, being bereaved of civility is not an excuse for one not to equip one’s children in civility. This is where the sincerity of parents should come in by subjecting themselves for proper scrutiny and upgrade accordingly. Everyone can and should learn civility skills that will produce great kids for our society because of the humongous benefits therein;

• Civility builds the child to stand before the kings and not mere men.

• Civility helps the child to put his/her emotion in check

• Civility propels kids to discover self

• Civility reinforces in kids a sense of responsibility to society

• Civility gives kids a spirit of humble service

• Civility gives children a heart for others

• Civility builds in kids values of self discipline, self
restraint, self consciousness, integrity, self dignity, etc…

• Civility motivates kids to to live according to principles that better their relationship with others; old and young.

• Civility helps them to own their behavior and be held accountable for their actions.

• And lastly civility is humanity.

Restoring civility in all facets of our life can’t be achieved by leaving behind our children. It is unfortunate that many children grow up in the world without knowing what civility is all about and so I state below few nuggets parents can follow in helping their kids to grow in civility.

[ ] Parents must display a strong desire for good character traits for kids to follow; our characters determine the extent to which they’d be able to grasp the wisdom of the civility we want them to grow up with.

[ ] The understanding of kids temperament is key. Nothing is more pitiful than parents being ignorant of who their kids are; what do they like and do not like? Which environment helps them to give their best in all things…. our comprehensive knowledge of these amongst others will afford us the great opportunity to help them grow in civility

[ ] Modelling in African children the civility to grow up with is mostly achieved by exploring the beauty of our story telling, proverbs, and folklore. This allows kids to experience different worlds, countries, cultures, and traditions in perspectives.

[ ] We must help them learn perseverance. Kids of today have short attention spans. They quit when the result of an activity does not favor them. We must nevertheless prevent this and model for them the essence of being dedicated to a worthy cause until the end. No matter the duration.

[ ] Tell kids to pursue excellence regardless of the situations. We can start with one area of their life and gradually helping them raise the bar. This is a good strategy inorder for them not to fall into a performance trap.

Civility can only exist and thrive in the lives of today’s kids if parents are deliberate in being civil themselves in the way we bring up our kids. Let us do this for them; it is part of the coping skills they need to grow up with to be relevant in life.

Thank you for your time. Waiting to read your comments and contributions.

Akinropo Akinola
Parenting Development Expert


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