DEALING WITH OUT OF CONTROL CHILDREN PART II
Mr BS (pseudonym) is a decent, loyal, and dependable executive in a fast growing Business Consulting firm. In his mid FORTIES, has enjoyed a blossom career in his ten years stint on the job. He rose through the ranks and deservedly merited every promotion that came his way.
BS is always a big cheese in the company; with many awards to his credit. But alas! he was a distraught family man whose home had become a theatre of problems orchestrated by one of his four teen children who was hooked on drug and violence. An event that has taken him in and out of the office severally.
Miffed by the emotional trauma this disorder has caused him he decided to take a time off his job to fix the domestic problem. He seemed to have done everything within his capacity to bring back on track his out of control teen, but this was not enough an antidote; the more he tried the higher the wilder the problem grew just like a bush fire during harmathan
Every moment of the dude’s recklessness brought so far unto him and the family consequences that lasted for some period. This is a true life story and a catching case study for an out of control child. Yet, the can be solved. Setbacks and challenges can be overcome when they are confronted decisively. The guy can be led back to himself. The symptoms he exhibited so far are the feedback and all need to be attended to.
Like every other person; no child/teen is issuseptible to the compelling influences of a larger society; there are hordes of social vices starring our children in the face; our children today suffer incredible pressure from society’s shifting standards of right and wrong, troubles in the home, selfish interest, pressure to excel, negative peer pressure, pressure to measure up with society’s definition of beauty or masculinity, the occult, witchcraft, love of material goods, fortune telling, pornography, music with damaging messages, media content, sex, drugs, alcohol, and other additive substances. All these are temptations to steal these children from us. What they now need is intentional parents and adults to teach, lead, and groom them out of these problems.
So unfortunately today’s kids face lots of distractions in this present age of cyber driven culture; We have in the present generation of children who are born into the world of conveniences, filled with smartphones, internet games, online and internet banking, microwaves. The influence of the present iron age which is full of machines and mechanical dudes is unavoidable though, because every generation is peculiar so is every child.
It is not out of place to see our present young teens having a strong desire for dating and develop voracious appetite to engage in pre- marital sex. The greatest challenge is how parents respond to this crush.
But I submit here with no iota of doubt that if teen rebellion is effectively managed; teen rape, assault and abuse is properly checkmated, teen education and exposure is not limited to school subjects, parents don’t give explanations but more of positive experiences…no child will be said to be out of control
The thesis is that as parents provide in the home the genuine emotional, psychological and spiritual stability for their children in a loving relationship, closeness will increase and temptation to seek affinity and succour, through sexual involvement, drug abuse, or any other social breach, will abate. So what I intend doing here is to open parents to strategies that work on how parents can help their children out of this and redirect them back to the right path.
Their understanding of what to do will give teenagers an insight into loving concerns of their parents, even when those concerns seem to be too strict and unfriendly.
One of the critical points we need to know in a bid to helping the out of control children regain themselves is to first understand why they do what they do! I don’t seem to have all the reasons; but I will state some of the prevalent ones, as described by many of these teens themselves; pressure from peers, boy friend, girl friend, lack of understanding of the new vice, they want to get even at parents, curiosity, haven done it once, they want to do it again, they just feel good about it. These among others are the compelling reasons. Nonetheless they are not an uphill task but the truth is many of us parents don’t act ontime or somewhat clueless of these vices; and often times we get to know kids can’t trust us with their hidden battle let alone proferring solution to them. We thereafter result to our conventional manner of how we were brought up; beating with horse whip, shaming, abusing, disowning, threatening, thinking such would teach the erring child some wisdom. This will never work for today’s kids. Corporal punishment had only succeeded in making them more hardened. We must know better with today’s kids; there are many ways to catch a fox
It is the sense of feeling alienated and rejected from family, absence of engaging relationship that make children, teens, and young adults, terrifically susceptible to all mannners of social vices through parent inattentiveness
Let us look at these solutions together.
Tell your story. Most times parents play saints when their teens fall into the spectrum of social vices. Theres is no problem if you have never fallen to the spectrum of any troubled childhood, but be sincere if you are, and let them know the fight you battled through all your childhood and what took you (..still taken you) to overcome.
Resourcefulness. Solving a hydra headed problem of ‘out of control children’ can’t be achieved without the mental capacity and ability of the parents involved to be open minded, and have teachable spirit. This will help the affected child to change the way he/she sees himself/herself and ready to accept help
Accept and Appreciate. One of the hallmarks of being effective parents is in our utmost faith in accepting whatever our children do either wrong or right. This will give them sense of security, which today’s kids desperately need. Absence of this leads to a build up to being out of control. When we deliberately place outcome success above the processes, rebellious beckons
Care. In caring there’s commitment, compassion and courage to provide solutions to the problem. The genuineness of our action here will guide us unto the path to seek solution backed up by hungry for more parenting educational training, prayer, and intercession.
Emotional support. Often kids make illogical decisions based on impulse. This is the gateway to first experience of any vice. So when this happens what do we do? This is not the period to play rigidity; condemn, judge, or disparage them, but a moment to let them admit their action. Fear of punishment at times if the wrong is confessed will also motivate them to justify their action rather than admit it. Feel their pulse and unravel the cause(s)
However, above are not limited to the available solutions to the ‘out of control’ children; you may have to contact a professional that will help you speed up the recovery unto perfection. We have seen cases of relapse. Please fight back where necessary the temptation to want to handle it alone. These vices are powerful forces, but there are wisdom and solutions in good counsel when facing issues like this. The wisdom is to know when to do it alone and when to involve a professional.
Parents we can win this battle for our children.
The next part will dwell on ‘OUT OF CONTROL PARENT” yes parents, sometimes can be out of control.
Founder, Parenmark school of parenting.