Father’s Role In Bringing Up A Child

By far one of the greatest challenges facing the institution of family is the inability of fathers to identify their priority, place, and assignment in the home.

For so long in our lifetime in this part of the world too much responsibilities and expectations had been placed on Mothers in the home. No thanks to the deficient beliefs system, cultures, and traditions that have stayed with us for centuries. Most children in Africa- Nigeria most specially grow up to know Mothers as the main pillars in raising children in the home. Not discounting Fathers financial responsibilities in the home notwithstanding, the clinical and perfect execution of these duties are shouldered by the mothers. A sharpened cutlass cannot cut grass on its own without being administered by someone.

Our belief in Africa remains that everything in Parenting and Family in raising quality children started and ended with Mothers such that they receive all the goal of the outcome of bad parenting on the child. Sad.

I see in my generation Fathers who have strategically positioned and measured their relevance in the home on account of how much bills they pick. Some of us Fathers are so poor that the only thing we have is money. We are not wealthy in the timeless contents in connecting to the heart of a child.

I have equally seen Fathers in my life time who thrive hugely on the blame game over any prevalent social infractions in their Children. I have also seen a mixture of authoritarian and permissive Fathers who are never involved in positive reinforcement of good behavior and values of the child but are ever available to punish any erring child at a given opportunity.

May I remind such Fathers that Children in this type of family only see a ‘strict Father. They do not see a tender, loving, caring, and compassionate Father who is available, not only to be part of their lives but to help them through their mistakes and imperfections with a view to providing a guiding path for them to grow. Please flow with me as I give below few of the indispensable roles Fathers must play in bringing up the child.

HEAD OF THE FAMILY. We all know this but we are flippant about it. The order of the spirituality and God’s kingdom cannot be sidelined if roles of Fathers are to be put in positive perspectives. The concept of Father is from the Greek word- which means Nourisher, Protector, or Upholder. A Father is the one who imparts life, and he’s committed to it. Fathers are the spiritual representative of God in the home. Fathers are invaluable trees, with leafy arms serving as protection and lifted up in supplication to God for their fruits. Fathers are the deep roots that suck and preserve nutrients from the earth such that their fruits (children) lack no values. They are in and out of season. Fathers next time you hear the word – head of the family.

Fathers are the vision carriers. They conceive, think, understand, and birth or for the members of the family. The vision for your family is to be sought from above – God and run it with members. Your personal vision must not run against God’s. Many are the wishes of men but only the purpose of God shall stand. The vision God gives us that one that unlocks the gratitude of humanity. Not for personal ego.

Being the head is that you are the role model to your children. Male children want to be like you and female children look to see their Dads’ character in the lives of their future husbands. Very child wants to behave , act, relate, and express like their Dad at a level. I ask how quality are our spiritual, emotional and intellectual content in being that Father who is ready and willing to achieve that feat of raising godly seeds, saviors, and leaders for God in this time and season of our great Nation – Nigeria.

Dear Fathers think of the above attributes and find reason to restrategize, restructure, and reconstruct your Fatherly role for posterity sake.

Thank you.

How To Teach Children How To Respect People

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The lasting and greatest legacy any parent can bequeath to these precious children is the reinforcement of positive behavior in the child for the purpose of rendering quality and excellent service to humanity in any of the spheres they find themselves. Reinforcing positive behavior nonetheless is never achieved by mere intention to confess, teach, or train, but by being responsible enough to have the right mind to do so. Having the right mind to do is to have and engage the will power as primary caregivers to display exemplary lifestyles worthy of emulation for the kids.

Having said this, I believe one of the beautiful products of POSITIVE VALUES everyone desires in our society is RESPECT ! So what is RESPECT?

Google defines it as a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Giving it amplified definition we can say it is a sense of worth or personal value attached to someone. This presupposes no mankind is born empty. Every one of us has gotten innate talents and skills to bless others. So if we must do the core duty of our assignment diligently on earth which is to serve humanity we must equip ourselves with life skills to pursue this and same passed to our children. All these are not done in abstract! Do we as parents respect ourselves, our children , or people around us?

So if we do! How do we make our children grow with these life skills? How do we make them respect themselves, others, and elders. Even when majority of us claim we have and are successfully passing same to our Children how functional are the life skills we claim to be passing?

Children won’t catch right values from caregivers if what we teach is different from what they see us do. Values are better caught than taught.

Our deeds, attitudes, behaviors, and relationship with the family and others around us remain the mirror through which kids see us and same form the basis by which they relate to others.

So it is not surprising to see in recent times a clear variant of this positive value from children’s behavior. It is simply because we have not been able to choose the right channel to pass these values to them.

Our children have been branded a generation that has no respect for themselves, the ederly, and the society. They look at adults straight in the face and emphatically say no to whatever instructions regardless of the intentions of the adult. They haul abusive words on elders at the slightest given opportunity. We see children these days fight themselves with all sorts of weapons! Violence to them is normal and a trending order which they must comply with.

As I daily engage families from all walks of life in this advocacy I have come to see a huge value gap between what we claim to be before the Children and what we actually are. Ever wondered why they get bored when they are with us?. Our actions are a sharp contrast to whatever we tell them. Same behaviors resonate in their lives in view of what they see us do. But what must parents do to groom, nurture, and raise generations of children who will imbibe the right values to respect themselves, elders, and society?

Kindly permit me to share few nuggets with us in this medium on what I believe parents will begin to do more inorder to infuse in our children life skills on how to respect others.

Respect your parents. Honor your father and mother, that you may have a long, good life in the land. This we must display for our children. The child that witnesses how disdainful we are to our parents will not know the value in respecting you caregiver and others. It is not good to insist that your child’s tone of voice and actions reflect honor toward you and others if you don’t show or fail to simulate same to them how it’s done.
Tell them your story. Every 21st century parent seems to have a perfect upbringing even when we are not. So if we fail to let our children know our past toxic childhood experiences and exuberance we once had we’d be ignorantly invariably presenting a fake life to them and when they see anyone leaving a social life not measured up to theirs they tend to disparage, denigrate, and belittle such person. Children will always remember your lineage story especially those difficult circumstances, experiences, and backgrounds you had to cope with while growing up.

Place more value on people around you than material wealth. How do we treat our workers? How do we talk to neigbours? What do we say of childrens’ schools, teachers, and others in their school environment ? How do we react to negative situations in the country? The root of honoring and respecting people will only sink deeply in childrens’ lives if we consistently place value in our relationship with people than what we do with materiality.
Treat your children with tenderness. Children remember acts of tenderness and same is likely going to be reproduced in their relationship with others. Comparatively angry words and insensitive actions will resonate in their lives. Children are good recorders of our spoken and unspoken words but the worst processors. Our tone of voice must communicate love, compassion, and empathy.

Gently admit to them when you have wronged them. This will go along way in building their self esteem, self worth, and interpersonal relationship skills and builds up their emotional intelligence.
I always submitt that values and good characters cannot be taught but can be caught. By who?. By our children and those we claim to be leading! Our children are our representatives. What we do they do. Sons want to act like fathers and girls want to behave like their mothers and also look up to see their Dads’ characters in their future husbands. What values system do we possess as parents that are strong enough to teach the children value of RESPECT? Let’s chexk ourselves.

Let us impact the world and simulate how respect is being caught than taught to them in our daily engagement.

Thank you.


Taming Teen Suicide

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The lasting and greatest legacy any parent can bequeath to these precious children is the reinforcement of positive behavior in the child for the purpose of rendering quality and excellent service to humanity in any of the spheres they find themselves.

Parental Invasion

Invasion is defined as a state of invading a country or region with force. The objective of invasion is to conquer, liberate, or re-establishing control or authority over a territory. This is the whole nature of invasion.

From the definition it is obvious what validates invasion is the word force. But for the purpose of this work and for better understanding of the central theme I’d like to introduce us to a new dimension by which invasion derives its strenght and this is done through the power of subtlety called attitude. Yes our attitude. Our body languages, spoken and unspoken words at times speak louder that no one hears a word we say. While majority of us attributes invasion to force quiet few of us have only come to the reality of how strong individual’s attitude can be as an influential weapon of invasion.

How do parents invade? What constitutes invasion in parenting? You’d ask! One of the many qualities the person occupying the office of the parent must have is to know his/her limitations in parenting administration. Regardless the higher office one occupies there are limits. The commonest way by which we unleash our attitude to invade kids lives is through our involvement in the way we perform our oversight functions

I have heard it over and over again that parents should get involved in kids lives. It has been proven to be the best technique to get the best out of kids. This is evidently needed for the purpose of mining and nurturing every bit of their innate potential.

No doubt our involvement seeks to provide  the lead, guide, and chaperone, in the way kids should go. The whole essence understandably is to make them familiar with the terrain of life just like a duck take to water.

To a greater extent our children’s success or otherwise depends on the quality of time, resources, and energy, dissipated to harness their abilities to productive ventures.

Our involvement in their lives gives us inroad to their heart to connect with their dreams and desires in lives. While some of us see involvement as one of the guiding principles to reinforce positive behaviors in kids, still I see many abusing this to mean doing it for the child. This is the crux and the heart of this article. Please pay attention.

However sacrosanct the principle of involvement is it should not be seen to be an experience that is beyond human flaws, defects, and imperfections, especially when it is seen or seems to suppress or suspend kids initiatives. Reason I want us to discuss this day how our genuine intentions of involvement could be mistaken for over-functioning, invading, and encroaching their innate territory and at the end of it all it spells doom for our precious kids.

the great expectation is to launch out adjusted adults ready to take up the world and not the adults that have grown up with entitlement mentality. These children will not be under our roofs for life. We’d have to let go at one point when the stage is ripe. By this time no one can hold them back. Not even the parental love, compassion, daddy’s or mom’s act of endless benevolence will be soothing enough to trade off that long awaited moment. They will leave one day.

We erroneously fall into this trap of excesses of involvement simply because we often see the child the way we were when we were young at their age. Our worldview is shrouded in mysteries of sort and we are ready to use same perspective to grow them. We see suspicions and distrusts around us. Even we get to the level of doing what they can do at their relevant appropriate age for them mostly. Not discounting the risks associated with our environment as a result of the inherited socialization nevertheless, ours is to create safe environments for them to converse, explore, and possibly scrutinize such with the aim of having a safer platform of expression.

Please think with me as I explain few nuggets on stages to exercise cautions as our precious kids grow up.

  • Examining. Every task given to kids requires close monitoring but we often inadvertently mistakenly use this to gauge the level of their excellence as against their peers. We at times go nuts, over analyzing every cough, twist and turn. I urge us to refrain from this and just balance the job. Evey child’s gotten their speed.
  • Correcting. This is stage where we may be tilting to being obsessive as parents. Reason being that parents want the best for their children. It is possible kids may find it difficult to comprehend with the instructions on how to accomplish a task given by parents but we must allow them to fashion out their permissive methods they can easily adapt to. The purpose afterall remains to get the job done. This isn’t to condone an act of laziness though. Let’s watch this keenly.
  • Shielding. We soon come to their aid from making reasonable risk. But they need to experience appropriate level of  risk and failure in order to mature in a healthy way. Otherwise we will be progressing brazenly in error of preparing the path for them instead of kids for the path.  Example given, we should introduce them early enough to cooking, going to the market, and engaging in a moderate freedom of association but under appropriate supervision.
  • Guessing. It is wrong to get suspicion over what kids are innocent of. Where this normally takes place is the adolescent stage. Entrying adolescence has no general rule as to the age. Some enter at early age while majority at preteen. Adequate parenting knowledge is required to unravel this because certain behavioral traits will be noticed and that shouldn’t mean waywardness. Savvy lifestyles and different vocabulary soon replaced their innocence. I have seen an eight year girl entrying adolescence early enough but unknown to parents they felt she’s been obdurate in her attitude. Thanks for timely intervention that neutralized their fear. Parents be careful. This unfounded opinions can breed distrusts, wariness, and lack of confidence in our parental acumen.

Here’s my thought. Why not engage kids and determine what they mostly care about life, then offer guidance. Patience is equally needed from us which we are often guilty of. We want quick compliance for us to have peace.  This won’t always happen.