Category Archives: About Parenmk

Parenting remains the hub of nation building. I am not flippant about this, I mean the coordinating axle of our entire social life. So for every being to enjoy a great social life it then behoves on every individual who is a unit of the family to play a vital role for the society to experience same. No society is an isolation of the total sum of the inherent behaviors of its citizens. Our present value system and who we are is a product of our upbringing; from the beliefs systems we allow to have free expression in our daily lives to our deeds, habits, and character. All these we pick from those who raise us with a strong combination of nature and nurture.
To rescue the situation is to go through the route of the processes of child’s upbringing with a view to doing a bettwr job than before.

RAISING VALUE BASED CHILDREN means that. Ideologies, Culture and Institutions thrive on values. The validation and authenticity of our existence however isn’t known and defined by the standard of our business and career successes, positional relevances, or wealth , etc…..but by values. Value based children shapes the socio-political space of nations for the best.

Value based Children ignites the drive to set the pace for a new progressive social order in spheres of influence.

Value based children grow with in-built social mechanism belief system to spot the difference between a right and a wrong behavior.

Values has become such a popular word in recent years, especially preceded by the word “family”. To talk about values is to talk about what kind of a person you want your child to be. Truth is most parents aspire to a short list of universals: honesty, compassion, trustworthiness, generosity, courtesy, fairness, self- respect, respect for others … and many more.

So the question remain how do we raise our children to grow with right values?

We must bear in mind that values are not taught but they are caught. We live and thrive in an environment where we learn by observation; children with their impressionable mind watch what we parents do and replicate same.

I have few suggestions for parents to roll with.

1. Parenting is you. It’s about your life and what you represent in and out. Who we are with respect to our Faith inclination, family belief systems, values of integrity, dignity, honesty, trustworthiness, self discipline, and all… it thus behoves on us parents that before we beging to talk of raising our children with value, values must exude in oir daily lives. Values are caught. Children are the best recorder but the worst interpreters.

2. Connect to the child. You cannot barb my hair in my absence, goes the Yoruba adage. We’d not be able to infuse into our children the rigjt values if we aren’t able to conncet with them. Connecting with them is all about plugging into the best moment to gain their highest attention. And this will ultimately empower them to embrace the learning within.

3. Clarity of the value. Parents should endeavor that their words, emotions, and actions are unambiguously and easily communicated to the child. Trying to convey too many messages to our children at one time impedes their learning culture. The best strategy is to choose and focus on a few lines of instruction that are most age appropriate to them

4. Power of positive experience will go a long way in reinforcing positive values in kids. One of the best ways to do this is sharing tales and stories to drive home the understanding of the value to them.

5. Power of self story. We should endeavor to tell our kids stories about our own struggles amd failures. Stories of our past flops, failures, disappointments, and fumbles will propel them to approach life with a different perspective. Storytelling is one of the greatest tools we have for engaging children on complex social, values, and environmental issues, in ways that can drive belief and behavioral change and as such , has the power to influence future beliefs on related issues.

Our dealings with our children must be guided by good concience and intuition led reasoning. No nation rises above its dominant belief systems. If the present Kings aren’t doing right things in term of values, the best time to raise new set of kings is NOW.

Thank you
Akinropo Akinola
Parenting Development Expert

CELEBRATING ALHAJI AGBA ON GREAT PARENTING.
I choose to celebrate today one of the Africa’s great music Icons who I relished his Fuji genre as a growing child in the street of that great CITY- IBADAN. Born in February 9, 1948 as sikiru ayinde ololade adeyimika balogun in Adakeja , Ayeye Compound in Ibadan to the lates Alhaji Salawudeen Balogun and Alhaja Subuola Odee Balogun . He would have been 71 today were he alive.
So no other way to acknowledge his great works through the message of music he explored mightily than going down memory lane picking one of his Long Playing Albums he released in 1982, entitled FAMILY PLANNING, where he harped philosophically on one of the effective antidotes to GREAT PARENTING is to give birth to children according to your STRENGHT in financial, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual capacity.
I grew up in the centre of the City that played host to various social pursuits of life and other events namely; politics, religion exploits, school activities, NURTW elections, music, and football. All these competed for our highest attentions as children. Guess what? we all loved them. ……………….
Their noise pollution (anyway this wasn’t the meaning to us as a child) cut through the air as early as 4am- 11pm there about with sharp , persistent, and tenacious vibration like the screeching brakes of a halting ‘Molue’ bus. Where I lived was the headquarters of major music label owners and we were the first to experience the sparkling of the new releases of great musicians in those days ; Juju, Fuji, Sakara, Apala, Dundun, Afro beat, Highlife, name them. ….
But I was more a fan of Sakara, Fuji, Apala, Juju, and Dundun , all thanks to my Uncles and aunties ………………
So in 1982, Alhaji Agba (Supreme Fuji Commander then) released this particular LP and we all converged to listen to it as usual at the centre of our community named ‘ìdi radio’ (one of the designated Radio Centres at the early year of broadcasting service in the old western region ) ..but there was a particular verse I loved (still love) ..

BABA T’OBIMO TI O LEE TO KINI ANFANI E TONBELAYE?” ( WHAT IS THE ESSENCE OF A FATHER WHO LACKS ALL IT TAKES TO RAISE A CHILD QUALITATIVELY?) ” OMO BEERE OSI BEERE BUKATA LONDA O,
OLAGBARA MEJI LATI TO, DAKUN YA
BIMEJI KODURO” (FAILURE TO GIVE BIRTH
TO KIDS YOU CAN AFFORD TO RAISE
WITH ALL YOUR TIME, ENERGY,
RESOURCES, AND VALUE ULTIMATELY
WILL LEAD TO GENERATIONAL POVERTY AND SUCH KIDS WILL GROW TO BECOME TROUBLED
ADULTS…..PLS GIVE BIRTH ACCORDING
TO YOUR CAPACITY…” he posited.
But for time I would have written out this song verbatim.. Of all the lines, I kept reminiscing on the above even as a child because of the palpable inconsistency of the value of the song to what I was witnessing in my entire clan and its surrounding. I later realised they only LISTEN but deliberately chose not to LEARN.
I cannot fathom why it was so difficult for some Fathers and Uncles back then on how they would display their scintillating hot steps laced with the mastery of the lyrics of the song and wouldn’t still grasp the wisdom behind the libretto.
Days after as I listened I committed the lines to my heart by SINGING them and WRITING THEM DOWN I was able to RESOLVE that I will not invite any child to this world beyond my capacity. But this was in contrast with what was the predominant societal norms in my environment as at the time. No one taught me this as early as a child But ALHAJI AGBA SIKIRU AYINDE AGBAJELOLA BALOGUN BARRISTER
Ever wondered why RonkePosh Adeniyi Le Poshe wont mince words on FAMILY PLANNING? .

Make no mistake it isn’t only about financial capacity. You need more than this to be a great parent.
Parenting is a dynamic behavior , and if you don’t take care of your own needs , the quality of your parenting will suffer thus creating more problems for the already tensed society as ours.
The singer reiterated the children you failed to train will fight and kill themselves over the properties you left behind. Regardless of the wealth. ” So what’s the economic importance of the Will you left behind for them, he querried”
I encourage parents to get this song and listen to it once again, perhaps it will help us in no small measure in changing the narrative of our lives for the best.

As I close I ask this pertinent question; What song do we listen to? What do you learn in the song? How do we guide our precious children in the type of songs they listen to?.

Let us dig into the archives and bring out those African songs. They preach our wealth and heritage as a tribe.
Out rich values are being entwined in the lyrics good for our daily lives.

Who is that musician that impacted your life as a child and in which area.

Thank you ALHAJI SIKIRU AYINDE BARRISTER for preparing me early in life for family life with your LP – FAMILY PLANNING

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Contemplating the Truths and Shifts of Parenting, By Tola Salau

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. – Frederick Douglass

I wrote this four years ago and shared it with friends:

Last week, I had the opportunity to observe my son through the lenses of the future and it made me decide to analyse myself as a parent.

I started by thinking about how we were raised in our generation and realized that I have made dynamic shifts from how I was brought up, even as I have embraced some truths that I was taught, at the same time. For the purposes of this piece, I shall break down the shifts and what I have accepted. It’s always best to start from where one was and move towards the changed state.

What I have embraced from my parents:

Tolerance: My parents were great believers in this. Their whole lives exemplified this and I strive to teach this to my son. It’s hard in the world which we live in now, as we discriminate against people on the basis of their class, tribe, race, or whatever we choose to use as our bar for differentiation. The older one gets, the more we realize that we are all one as humans, actually. To truly understand this, we should go outside our comfort zones and see how we feel when we are treated with compassion in a place where we are strangers in. We would realize that underneath it all, we are all the same, with the similar fears, needs, desires, wants etc.

Fair play: We should treat others as we desire to be treated. Another big credo of my parents. This one they drummed in me, day and night. There were times it was irritating to have to follow this edict, as it seemed easier to simply do what I wanted to at the expense of another. Yet, they taught me about the consequences of being selfish and how like an avalanche this destroys all around it.

Integrity/Honesty: Another tough one. There were times this was plain hard. It seemed easier to just go with the flow and justify one’s actions. I now understand what they were trying to instill – the ability to really know who I am and ensure that I stand for something deep within. If I didn’t learn to have that anchor within, then my life would be one filled with questionable actions and no compass for myself. I don’t need others as my defining rod, instead I look towards the unshakable moral compass that is living a life patterned after the directives left by our maker and creator.

Discipline/hard work: This is a trait no longer treated with high regard anymore. It’s sad because it is actually about character building and it creates resilience in one against life’s hard knocks. Yes, life will knock us. This is guaranteed, one way or the other, and no one is ever spared. We need to bring this trait back into fashion, discarding the get rich quick mentality and all that ephemeral flash. Hard work bestows upon one a dignity that can never ever be acquired by millions of money in any currency, and we shouldn’t be deceived about this. I once spoke to teens at my church about the relevance of GRIT, which is the ability to pick oneself up in the face of great disappointment or failure, and have another go at things. Or as psychologist Angela Lee Duckworth says: “Grit is sticking with your future — day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years — and working really hard to make that future a reality.”

My shifts:

Re-thinking automatic obedience: I mulled over this one as I turned a reflective eye upon the ills of our society and some of the understanding I gleaned as I read extensively through philosophy, some of the classics of Western thought, as well as books about learning in the Islamic way. The underlying theme through all of these schools of thought was that wisdom is acquired by asking questions. I desire to raise a child who asks questions, challenges the status quo and sees the world differently. I prefer for my son to question me on my reasons and require me to explain why I have these reasons. I don’t need him following anyone blindly. It’s my prayer for my son that he would have this trait as he grows to become a man. Based on his inquisitive nature, I pray that our good Lord continues to enable him stay upon this path. The reason I am adamant about this one emphatically? One day my son could be faced with a situation where a boss/friend/partner tells them to do something bad. Now which is preferable: that he has the common mindset which is prevalent here – “Because I said so, or everyone else is doing it” or to pause and think?

Allowing children to learn that failure is OK: It is the desire of every parent to try to make their children have easy lives but I believe that’s a great fallacy of parenting. We are only guides and caretakers for a short while (if you look at their lives in sum total), however if we are really sincere, we would realize that the ability to be successful in life comes with the ability to learn how to handle failure. The earlier children come to terms with this, the easier it would be for them each time they encounter it.

They must learn that they will not have everyone as their friend, in fact if everyone likes you, then there is something fundamentally wrong somewhere.

Children must learn that consequences come from failure with their schoolwork, and this is how they would learn to succeed at whatever they decide is their career choice/life path.

Teaching contentment: They must learn that they won’t have everything that someone else has. Contentment is a dying virtue in this world, and it needs to be re-taught. There is great beauty in working hard for something and also we don’t need all of the material stuff that the media is bombarding us with. We need to teach our kids that in life we don’t always get what we want, sometimes we never do.

Above all, they must learn that we could fail at trying new things. Yet this is OK, and we must not let that experience maim us from trying again. It’s hard to watch them get frustrated and upset through this process, and the urge to step in and make things right could overwhelm us but we don’t have a choice but to step back.

We need to create adults who would embody resilience, great character and be at peace with themselves and life.

Adetola Salau; Global Educator / International Speaker / Author/ Social Entrepreneur/ Innovative Thinker/Future Readiness Advocate/ STEM Certified Trainer

She is an Advocate of STEM Education and is Passionate about Education reform. She is an innovative thinker and strives for our society & continent as a whole to reclaim its greatness.

BEYOND PAYING SCHOOL FEES

To everything and everyone there’s a season. And to every parent in this month of school resumption , this is a season of payment of school fees. So it is a season where parents stick it all out to ensure the prompt payment of their wards’ school fees regardless of the effects of the nation’s economic indices. Kudos to fellow parents. Please don’t give up facing the fear. The reward is worth the while after all. Wait for it. It shall surely come

As important, imperative and indispensable paying kids school fees is, I believe we know as well that the the sustaining and enduring pillar to whatever benefit this financial obligation would bring is not an independent varibale of other factors, especially our quality engagement we need to have with their school. Hence beyond paying school fees there are other major obligations expected of us as parents to compliment whatever the financial obligation expected of us.

One of the models of parenting obligation is obligation by demand which derives its effectiveness in our readiness in responding to the need of the demands. So in this case, there’s a demand to pay school fees and there should be a need on parents to know why they do so.

As a great parent who is concerned in raising his/her wards for a better future, it is pertinent that you do more on in the education of your child than paying school fees. We must understand and recognize that every generation is peculiar so every child is. Our today’s children more than any generation before them need to be followed through both in their academics and extra curricular activities because of the need to raise and prepare them for the future.

Please permit me to mention few line of activities we must embrace in this academic term inorder to compliment the efforts of the school

I start with the conventional engagement with the school- Parents Teachers Forum (PTF) , open day, career day, end of session collection of kids report sheet, and all. All these aappointments are hitherto called at the instance of the schools. Parents hardly call for one.

Ever wondered when at the end of every term some of us Parents seem to be ignorant of our kids results. Our expectations of their educational and behavioural performances can never be met on the strenght of just ‘pay school fees and go’ posture. But the school is cool with your kids performance because they set the agenda of the meetings and they are in the know. Imagine if all these meetings are called at the requests of the parents? How positive impact will this be on parents, kids and schools?

To solve this mystery it then behoves on us as parents that we must have expectations of our kids performances at the beginning of each academic session. It is not even enough to dwell mainly on communication book as an interactive medium between schools and parents but parents must as a matter of serious concern open a special communication line and begin to communicate their intentions and expectations of their kids to the schools, the teachers, or the school counsellors

Out of the nine types of intelligence available for children, perhaps the only one obviously known to and grossly abused by some parents is academic intelligence. And when children are not functioning or noticed in this, and they failed to win awards at the end of term, such children are given bad names by us. This is allowed mainly on account of the deficient structure of the system of the world that has considered them second class students. What a discerning parent should do in this regard is to identify the particular gifting of intelligence for the child(ren) and seek the school’s support in building them. Schools have experts in these special areas. Engage them.

Part of your responsibilities beyond paying school fees is to have a structured time table with the school inoder to meaningfully engage them in a robust time to time mindset gathering towards achieving the best for your children. We do not have to wait till the midterm or end of term to figure out what has not been done or what has been wrongly executed in the life of the child before we fix it.

How about writing letter to the school at the beginning of the term detailing few background information concerning the strengths and weaknesses of the child with a view to striking a partnership deal with the teacher on what to expect of the child and finding a way to build on the strengths and work on his/her weaknesses. The aim is to bring out the best out of the child

Registering a child in a school without letting the school or the teacher know the relational/behavioural tendency of the child is like giving out a product without the product manual. Then mismanagement beckons from both parents and the school. School will only do as much as they know of the child. How conversant are we with their temperament?

No product comes out from the manufacturer without a working manual! Every child needs a manual from parents for schools to work with.

So instead of us parents pointing fingers on what schools are not doing right what are we doing right in helping the schools to serve us better? We must first of all start and finish our job on the child before we demand same of the school. Beyond paying school fees is making the school know your concerns about your children at every critical stage of their lives. We increase in age every year. Every new year is a transiting year for our kids and they are new to the biological, phyiscial , and behavioural growth needed at that moment. No kids must be left adrift at this critical stage of transition. This must be communicated to the school not in fear but in wisdom.

Another vital area I’d love parents to develop interest in is how well do we understand the underlying driving educational philosophy behind your kids school? We’d hardly get the best of our kids if we are ignorant of this. What this does is to form a measurable alignment with our individual home philosophy so that we can be on the same page with the school and ultimately offer a corresponding positive reinforcements and feedback. It also reduces the blindspot in service delivery for us as agents of socialization.

Parents, this is our duty. We must not dogmatically do them out of sheer responsibility but by obligation laced with values. Of the four agents of socialization of the child, the school and the family play indispensable role in caring, nurturing, and grooming the kids to grow up to become adjusted adults. This is the truth we must defend, dear parents.

God bless you

Akinropo Akinola
Parenting Development Expert is the CEO, Parenmark School of Parenting

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