Category Archives: About Parenmk

I want to go out
-Well, everybody else does! Just my luck to have been born into a family of weirdos!
This was what Matt had heard when he entered his house tonight. Even before he had time to shut the door behind him, he heard another door slam.
-Hello darling, Matt greeted Sarah, his wife, with a kiss on her cheek. What’s the matter with Sonia?
-She Wants to go to the movies and see titanic in 3-D, said Sarah wearily.
-And… she’s twelve. It’s about time she starts getting some fresh air.
-Just what I need: “It’s time she gets some fresh air”. Have you seen Titanic? Neither have I. The trailer doesn’t make it seem very good.
-But if everyone else is seeing it… Said Matt jokingly.

Sarah started to laugh. Matt was pulling her leg. The truth was that this was a regular conflict in their home. First it was a birthday, then a party, then a sleepover at a friends house. Sonia was raising the bar each time. She thought of herself as older than her age, but she was still a child. There was an argument every now and then. She also no longer wanted to go out with her family. She felt ashamed to be out with her parents, and got bored with them.
-Look, Matt, we have to end this. Could you speak with her? In this house, no one goes out until they turn 18.
-Isn’t that too much? It’s normal that Sonia starts going out on her own. We need to start loosening the leash.
-Yeah, loosen the leash… Do you know what Pete told me? His son, James told him that he was going to watch Terminator. Instead, he discovered that James went to a pornographic movie.
-Sometimes we need to take risks when educating in freedom. We aren’t prison warden‘s. We have to learn to accept the wrong decisions that the children make and we need to help them face up to those mistakes responsibly.

Matt left Sarah thinking and went to see Sonia.
-How are you, dear?
-Dad, I’m the weird one in my class. I don’t watch TV. I don’t go out. I haven’t got clothes. You two don’t let me do anything. Sonia said all this like a shot and continued to cry inconsolably.
-What do you mean we don’t let you do anything? With all you have to study!

Matt tried to calm the drama of the moment but Sonia rejected that and yelled: you don’t take me seriously! You think that I am still a baby!

Matt controlled his temper and said in a conciliatory tone of voice: L isten Sonia; we let you do what seems reasonable to us and good for you. You need to propose good plans, and not crazy things. Your mother has already told me that you had an argument. I share her opinion that titanic is not an appropriate movie for someone of your age.

Are you really interested in the movie or in going out with your friends?
-I want to see the movie, said Sonia. I want to have something interesting to talk about.
-Then I will propose to your mother that we all go and see it, Okay?
Sonia did you not reply, which left Matt quite disappointed. He started to regret having made the offer. After dinner he told Sarah his idea.
-Are you crazy? Exclaimed Sarah.
-Why? If there is an unwatchable scene, we can talk to her about it later on.
-You are not facing the real issue. She wants to go out alone with her friends. Are you going to accompany her to her parties as well? Said Sarah.
-Don’t I look young enough? Said Matt jokingly.

Matt Took his offer to Sonia seriously I researched the movie.He prepared a short talk to explain to Sonia what they were going to see. When he spoke to her about it, Sonia showed very little interest. He told her all about the story line, and she had photos of the leading star.
-This girl doesn’t know what she wants. Now it’s looks like I’m the one who is interested in the movie, Matt commented to Sarah later.
-Oh, the wind has changed. Now it’s the concert air she needs, said Sarah.
-What concert? Replied Matt , surprised.
-You live in the clouds, dear. It’s that all male British group. They have even scheduled an afternoon performance so that school girls can go. And they are all going, said Sarah, smiling.
-Well, she’s not going. I don’t like those crowds. What are the other parents thinking? Sonia is definitely not going, said Matt nervously. What have you told her about it?
-That I was going with her dad, said Sarah mischievously.
That night Sarah and Matt had dinner with friends, Sandra and Roberts, who also have children: a young lady of 21, two boys of 19 and 13, and a girl of nine. Over desserts, Matt mentioned his worries, confessing that he didn’t realize kids were so complicated.
-You know, Matt, said Roberts, Tom is 13 years old. We’ve got other battles with him. His group of friends influence him a lot and they seem to be in a hurry to experience many things.
-Our struggles are related to technology: iPods, the Internet, Sandra added. He usually still doesn’t go out on his own except when he gets invited to a birthday party. We are lucky that he likes the youth group a lot. He has a great time there and feels free in a healthy and controlled environment.

A few days later, Sonia asked for permission to attend a classmate’s birthday party. When she came home, she immediately went to bed and told her parents that her head was aching. Matt and Sarah, who knew the family did not think for a moment that there could have been any trouble at the party.

Sonia was very pensive in the days following . At the birthday party, the kids took advantage of the classmate’s mother’s absence to smoke and have a few drinks. They also watched some of the classmate’s brother’s DVDs. They all felt like grown-ups. It was a month until Sonya’s birthday. What was she going to do to match her classmate’s party ? Would her mother understand that they needed some freedom to have fun their way?

Copied from Nigerian Association for Family Development

Profile

Mr Akinropo Akinola is a passionate catalyst for change who has the mandate to increase the quality of parenting and the methodology of nurturing African Children as well as families into greatness while maximizing their full potentials.

He is an accounting graduate from The Federa Polytehcnic, Ilaro, Ogun state,
Nigeria. He had a short stint in the Banking industry from 2001 – 2005, and later started a private business, major in Financial brokerage.

He had been involved in youth counselling before he was called into the Parenting ministry in 2011.

He is a member of Nigeria Institute of Management (NIM) Chartered.

Akinropo Akinola has Practicing Certificates in NLP (Neuro Lingusitics
Programming), Public Speaking, Business Consulting, Child Care, Parenting & Family Advocacy, Education Consulting.

He is also Generation Z Facilitator Certified from Growing Leaders, Atlanta USA

He currently speaks weekly to millions of parents and adults around the world on his television programme; #Legacyhutwithakinropo on Ovation International TV on ourTV decoder.

His track record on advocacy on parenting can be traced across sectors, following the need to consolidate diverse projects , efforts, and intervention within the Parenting space.

He’s a consultant, speaker, trainer, parent coach, and also and experienced counselor.

His work with several families and youth has earned him a respectable place within Education and society.

He’s the Author of the fast growing inspired work tool for Fathers to raise REAL MEN in today’s BOYS ; DADDY WHERE ARE YOU?

His latest tool work for Mothers; MUMMY, NO EXCUSES is a book that focuses on Mothers to know and have the strategies in complementing and not competing with their husbands in parenting and marriage. the ways for them to stay full and free.

He’s the Founder/Lead Researcher, ParenMark School of Parenting.

A FATHER’S DILEMMA

He was out of a job before the COVID 19 pandemic kicked on February 27, 2020

By late March 2020, his daily search of hope for possible employment to cushion the effect of the economic hardship so far experienced by the family was punched after the Federal Government of Nigeria announced the economic lockdown to reduce the spread of COVID 19.

Movement impeded. Companies shut their gates. Hope dashed momentarily!

Though the problem on the covering in the home was financial but beneath the surface, they have been a family on the brink.

They have watched their kids battle with misdeeds and a stress-induced behavioural disorder. Worst still, all through the period of online classes, the kids couldn’t attend.

So, they have a handful of domestic issues to contend with.

The job offer finally came on Monday; August 31, 2020, but this joy came with a mixed impression; the emotional stress of the wife and behavioural disorder of the children.

The cheering news in all of this actually started from the beginning of the year 2020, they have sought the help of a therapist to assist them to chart a better way forward out of their predicament to save the family and the marriage.

The above scenario is what some families across the country, are going through which we have mostly, albeit wrongly attributed to the loss of income due to COVID19 pandemic

My dear Father, #COVID19 is just a mask concealing many battles and vulnerabilities we have hitherto avoided.

The greatest damage inflicted by this COVID pandemic has not necessarily been financial, but emotional and psychological. Wives and children have also become hiding casualties, often absorbing more than that we are aware of.

Dear FATHER, you may not need to HANG IN THERE any longer when it seems hope is lost; please seek a redirection

Fatherhood is a serious business 📈

Please, watch out for our September edition of PATHWAY FOR FATHERS

Thank you
Akinropo Akinola

#fatherhood
#parentingwithakinropo

DEALING WITH OUT-OF-CONTROL HUSBANDS

Many think our past traumatic experiences dominate our present condition, but the truth remains; the atmosphere in our homes has been from time immemorial like a compass that serves as a guide to point us in the right or wrong direction as we grow up into functional adulthood. What many of us exhibit in our family life today are partly our design from homes. So except, and unless, a quick intervention with much zeal is applied to change the narrative for the better, the status quo remains.

One of the questions I invariably ask at counseling session of THE EFFECTIVE FATHER’S COURSE in our School of Parenting, is, “How would you describe your home life when you were growing up? The responses will always throw up some disheartening feelings as much as the participants could recall about their homes. This is true because our childhood experiences shape our lives.

As Sons, we mostly depend on our Fathers, and the men we see around to mould ourselves after as our role models. Whatever we see them do is deemed and perceived to be right script; we identify with them , good or bad. All of these are emotionally absorbed into our subliminal and impressionable mind than they are consciously chosen. Our deep dependency on them afforded us little or no options. So, they handed scripts unto us, and this will likelihood be acted out for the rest of our lives.

Nonetheless, this is by no means to take away from our Fathers sizable accolades and praises deserved of them. Their forefathers never had any guide book, no special format or formula, their lives were not that a perfect by any stretch of imagination, but it is our moral duty to build intentionally upon those native intelligence and beliefs they passed unto us and not to pass a vote of no confidence for job done on us.

While I don’t claim to have the empirical statistical figure of out-of-control husbands in Nigeria, and Africa, but the palpable events in our clime as demonstrated through failed marriages, collapsed homes , decaying society, and dysfunctional parenting, are an undisputable proof to show that we have got our work cut out for us. Hence, the vicious cycle of endless production of out-of-control boys who would later grow up to becoming troubled and out-of-control adults must stop.

We all are products of our early emotional life; we act after the pattern of those who raised us. Our entire configurations were formed after their beliefs, habits, religion, culture, and tradition

One of the causes of this behavior disorder in some husbands is the misalignment of expectations from the wives, and children as a result of script conflicts. For instance, the husband may think there is nothing wrong in hurling abuses, shouting down or beating his wife among other domestic violence before the children, even outside the home, because his father did same to his mother.

A husband who is harsh , inconsistent, uninvolved, uncommitted, unavailable , and selfish at home, though diligent in his work and career, local faith assembly with titles will produce resentful, troubled, and rebellious children , and will never be at peace with his wife. Someone rightly put, for every responsive attitude; good or bad , the wife gives the husband, has a lot to do with the understanding and the acceptance of the communicative language in the home.

What I am writing on this topic is what I have researched about, spoken about it, and written about , and will still do more extensively on it because of the high expectations of demand for positive reinforcement of beliefs bestowed on husbands in the home……..this assertion underscores my conviction that husbands remain the hub of positive value entrenchment in the homes…he is the chief pilot who is in charge of the collective actions and policies that tend to give substance to the ideas about what the whole family want their homes to be like.

Wealth, position, religious titles, affluence, power, business and professional success will not compensate for failures in marriage and family relationships, and also cannot solve the dire consequences of a troubled childhood; the ledger of life will reflect the imbalance. Your relationships with your wife and children is sacrosanct. It is pertinent to know that the absence of LEADER (HUSBAND) figure and example leaves a void that may take years of experience and many mistakes to overcome. Your detached and uncoordinated attitude create insecurity in the life of your wife because you are too concerned with your own needs and wants.

I am so concerned about seeing and experiencing the world of a total man- husband who is mostly bothered about the challenges that come with being married and raising children.

I am committed to see husbands who are more passionate about the injustices and misjudgments being melted unabated to most households, wouldn’t close their eyes, but open to take the advantage of the multitude solutions to arrest the situations, and opportunities to make the homes better because a child does what his father tells him until he is fifteen years of age, and after he does what his father does. Children have their antennas out at all times. This is an inbuilt gadget that turns every attitudinal signal from fathers to script in kids subconscious mind

This underlines the demand that your children need also a living example of how a husband should treat his wife with dignity and respect. Watching you practice positive principles as This is absolutely invaluable.

Being out-of-control husband is torment. Still, it shouldn’t be a moment where a husband is reserved to a state of recluse. Out-of-control accompanies weakness and defeat, but I tell you every husband is destined for strength and victory. The presence of out-of-control is the signal that a help is available, and you must rise to conquer. Please let’s see and run together few of these available empowerment you may need to come out of the unpleasant situation.

1. Acceptance. One of the easier ways leading to the road to recovery is to accept one’s folly and be ready to seek and receive help. This will open your mind to the mistakes of the past while thinking constructively in the way forward.

2. Decrypting. Every soul is powerfully influenced by his/her script. So haven accepted your shortcomings leading to being out-of-control, the next thing to do is to learn to how to decrypt and rewrite you a new script that is tailor made to suit your family model.

3. Be self disciplined. We merely exist until we begin to consciously discipline ourselves. The first indication of your success is at best imagined from the way you have successfully managed your mind because out-of-control spectrum flourishes in a life that is so ungoverned and chaotic.

4. Change your habit. None of the habits on earth a man has the power to make or create but as we live daily we discover new ways of behaviours; many we inherited them and some we discovered. The choice is ours; to live as one likes or to behave like a wise man who chooses to do only what is right.

5. I believe effective communication too, will do to help dissipate the expectations form both end. I advise you gently seek the listener’s comprehension until your message gets through. Husbands tend to retreat when our conversations become turbulent. But if we ckmmhnicatpre with patience, the result will be bountiful.

I commend you to the above powerful pathways to recovery among others, that’ll ultimately afford you established systems and procedures that are only workable to your peculiar needs, demands as a husband , and of expectations from your wife and children. Hope is not lost, still.

I shall be writing on DEALING WITH OUT-OF – CONTROL WIVES in the next publication.

Thank you for your time

Akinropo Akinola
CEO, Parenmark School of Parenting.

#parentingwithakinropo
#akinropoakinola
#MummyNoExcuses
#DaddyWhereAreYou
#parenting

DEALING WITH OUT-OF-CONTROL PARENTS

We can determine the value or importance of something we do by measuring the possible outcomes of doing or not doing it; for every action or inaction there are consequences. We talk of these significant consequences because we consider the principal so important.

Starting a family with the purpose of raising children is significantly important because its consequences can last generations to come. The core of our job as parents is derived from my utter conviction that we are the most important influences on the lives of our children. Hence, we cannot afford to be flippant on the job.

However, there is, and always has been, a widespread belief that it is only children that can fall to the spectrum of behavior disorder of out-of-control. This is not true. Many of us parents too do. And one of the reasons is that we sometimes carry all over inner wound unknown to many, especially our household. The overtly outward expression is nonetheless linked mostly to the sometimes aggressive manner we respond to our children. Parents go through turbulent moment in life , but we make the children and everyone around us the recipients of the brunt.

We coerce the children into submission by creating fear in them , and so they are forced to like and accept every barked order to them not out of genuine love and obedience but from the fear of potentially adverse consequences. The kids get along grudgingly……. and parents flagrantly focus on what they want from children with yell, scream, threat and intimidation. Even when we are supposed to be firm in discipline, we look other ways to indulge kids or simply switch to permissive mode of parenting. No wonder the relationship with kids deteriorates irrectifiably. Discipline thus become imaginary, then, family vision is lifeless and the interpretation of expectations from both ends become vague, confused, and ambiguous.

Out-of-control parents only have power over their children as long as they remain under their roof. But when nothing seems for kids to depend on you for, they break away irretrievably and get even at you. Because for so long while they were in your home; depending on you for school fees, feeding, shelter, clothing, support, energy, interest and protection, you absolutely exercised coercive power over them. What seemed to be somewhat commitment and involvement from you was rather superficial. And because of this , your children give you a wide berth because of your cruel, mean, and unkind by nature.

Raising children comes with unadulterated commitment and involvement for unhindered super delivery on the job from parents who are armed with mental strength by staying relevant and be in-control. But we see this day some parents who throw in the towel so soon at the sight of kids exuberance, economic threats, and other imminent challenges to life. These parents never seek for a help where necessary.

Often parents claim ignorant of the disputes or falling-out in the home front but if they really think through and trace the problem to its root cause, we will mostly find out that the trouble emanates from the deficiency in our mental capacity to hold up where it matters

Truth is some of us parents can be out-of-control, unmanageable, and rebellious as well as losing grip of the home management and until we intentionally choose to reach out for help we may be unwittingly brewing more out-of-control children for the society.

For every supposed trigger that’s holding you bound in out-of-control behavior, each of them has unique dangers, and each demands unique defenses, So, let us take an look at what should be done to come out of this virus

1. Reappraise the principles that GOVERN your life. What you make to be the pillar of your thoughts on family life and parenting has the capacity to mar or make you. Where wrong principles hold away, right practices are inevitable. For instance, what is the order of the hierarchy of your goals as parents? Not getting this with right perspectives is like being in a ship without a rudder, just floating with the tide.

2. Be strictly adhered to your duty as parents and remain focus and diligent on it as you have sent. Your concentration will deliver unto you undivided attention with the aim to seek more knowledge and become better on it

3. Be sincere to your children. Your true sincerity is measured by the clarity of the messages of every word you use. The saying what you mean. Do what you say. Act what you say. This will build your great reputation before the kids and will ultimately lead to a healthy and brighter family and parenting life.

4. Self discipline/self-control. A Jewish psychology once posited that one of the strong indications of being successful at 32 is having self-control at 12. The first trigger and the initial stage to the out-of-control disorder is anger, with its consuming and destroying fire. If parents can perfect their self control , they become master of their emotion.

5. Lastly, you may need to seek help of the professionals to manage and gain mastery over your emotion. Emotion is normal; so every parent must normalize it.

The next post will deal with OUT-OF-CONTROL HUSBAND. Is your Husband out-of-control? What are the triggers to look out for? What methods work to stop this? All these will be attended to in the next article.

Thank you for your time

Akinropo Akinola
CEO, Parenmark School of Parenting

#parentingwithakinropo
#akinropoakinola
#DaddyWhereAreYou
#MummyNoExcuses
#parenting
#outofcontrolparents