Author Archives: parenmark

How do i raise my son to be good father amd good husband?


Participant: Akinola, please, how can I raise my son to become a good father and good husband ?

Me: Sir, by deliberately raising humans in him. The humanity in him will make him to be good father and good husband and many more.

I am used to the above question from parents and we must be careful not to fall into the performance trap of making ‘raising boys to become good fathers or good husbands’ the focus. No, it is not. Raising sons to be good fathers is just the tip of the iceberg, the real deal is below the surface.

For instance, it would be easy to think that the Banking industry is all about financing, interest rates, credit facility and accounting. While these elements are significant, they are only the tip of the iceberg. What makes the Banking industry is the word TRUST. It’s stuff below the surface. The lesson here is; our sons must first become humans(by growing with ingredents below the surface) before they become good fathers or husbands.(tip)

It is what is below the surface that will either sink or support the tip. Only humans make the best husbands and fathers

Being humans will make them excellent in all facets of life; singlehood, career, and relationships, not just in fatherhood.

We must nurture them with good values which will later validate the ultimate purpose of being humans.
The skill, character, and charisma needed are huge during their formative years. parents must be ready to feed them with these qualities unequivocally

I encourage someone here to start with this simple assessment with his/her son:

Guide him to take a minute and think about his own character. Ask him, does he have a strong character.? On a scale of 1 – 10 (10 being the strongest) tell him to rate himself in the following areas:

Self-discipline( ability to do what is right when your parents/teachers/adults are not there)

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10

Pay attention to whatever outcome the assessment produces.

This is the starting point.

Thank you.



Skills Today’s Graduates Need to Succeed


I graduated from college with good grades, but not straight As. Part of the reason was, I worked two or three jobs every year of my college life. I worked as a cook in a country club, I worked part-time in the library, I worked as a part-time youth director, and I worked at a fast-food restaurant. While I appreciated my professors and classes, I felt I learned as much on these jobs as I did in the classroom. Six of my fellow students graduated with straight As but could not find a job for several months. Upon my graduation, I was choosing between five job offers.
As I reflect on this, I’m reminded of how important it is to think holistically as parents, coaches, educators and youth directors. Employers tell me they don’t ask about a graduate’s GPA in job interviews. They do ask about how they’ve practiced soft skills needed to collaborate on a team. The new hire discovers a classroom often looks very little like a work room. The National Center for Education Statistics, the Journal of College Student Retention, and the Journal of Student Affairs Research and Practice have all published research saying students can benefit from having part-time jobs. In fact, studies show working students often make better grades.
My friend, Dr. Debra Murdock, recently shared the skills graduates need to succeed. They have changed a bit over the last several years. Almost none of them are about academics:

Skills graduates need in 2015

1. Complex problem solving

2. Coordinating with others

3. People management

4. Critical thinking

5. Negotiation

6. Quality control

7. Service orientation

8. Judgement and decision making

9. Active listening

10. Creativity

Skills graduates need in 2020

1. Complex problem solving

2. Critical thinking

3. Creativity

4. People management

5. Coordinating with others

6. Emotional intelligence

7. Judgement and decision making

8. Service orientation

9. Negotiation

10. Cognitive flexibility

Notice the two new skills that made it on the top ten list in 2020.
Emotional intelligence. Employers agree that the graduate’s IQ might be high enough to do the job, but their EQ may be lacking. Emotional intelligence is what we mean when we talk about “social and emotional learning” (SEL). The issue has been politicized by so many that we lose sight of what these competencies really mean. It means we develop self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management skills in our students. That’s what educators ask us to help them do when they utilize our Habitudes® for Social and Emotional Learning.
Cognitive flexibility. This is sometimes known as “cognitive shifting.” It means how well a student can deliberately switch between mental processes to generate appropriate behavioral responses. We shift our body to change direction. We shift our car into a new lane to avoid danger. We can also learn to shift our thinking process to become more adaptable to the situation at hand. This is what we mean by cognitive flexibility. It’s what I talk about in my book, Eight Paradoxes of Great Leadership. We must read the people in front of us before we lead them.
When students get “stuck” (which has happened more since the pandemic hit us), they can become paralyzed and fail to adapt to a new environment or to new pressure. When anxiety is high, flexibility can evaporate. We must move students from FRAGILE to AGILE.
When students focus only on academics and fail to develop interpersonal skills, they become less attractive to an employer. There are few realities more common than a graduate who has a high GPA but who cannot work well with teammates or model social skills.
What Predicts Success After Graduation?
Organizational psychologist Adam Grant writes, “The evidence is clear: academic excellence is not a strong predictor of career excellence. Across industries, research shows that the correlation between grades and job performance is modest in the first year after college and trivial within a handful of years. For example, at Google, once employees are two or three years out of college, their grades have no bearing on their performance.”
What does help is first-hand experience.
In fact, when former Boston University student Melissa Cottrell was in school, she said that working part-time actually helped her become more disciplined. “The busier I am, the more focused I become,” she told BU Today. “Working really makes you more structured; you have a lot of things to do in a short amount of time, so it’s important to keep up with it all.”
Dr. Grant continues, “Academic grades rarely assess qualities like creativity, leadership and teamwork skills, or social, emotional and political intelligence. Yes, straight-A students master cramming information and regurgitating it on exams. But career success is rarely about finding the right solution to a problem — it’s more about finding the right problem to solve.” This may explain why Steve Jobs finished high school with a 2.65 GPA, J.K. Rowling graduated from the University of Exeter with roughly a C average, and the Rev. DDrMartin Luther King Jr. got only one A in his four years at Morehouse.”
Let’s commit to building social and emotional skills, as well as cognitive flexibility in our young people. If we will, they stand a better chance at making straight As in life

Dr Tim Elmore

Image: courtesy, of Google

The Leader in all spheres people want

The leader in all spheres people want

The people don’t want a leader who impresses them but will probably be interested in a leader who identified with them.

They want a human as a leader, not a walking encyclopedia

This looks like an old cliche, right?

but it is true.

People yearning for leadership, don’t care about your race, ethnicity, and colour.

Please do remember that they don’t also care how much you know or how intelligent you are until they know HOW YOU CARE!

Now, let’s reflect and respond as individuals;

Do the people you lead know how much you care about them?

Do they share openly with you their worries, desires, and aspirations?

Do you know the greatest emotional need of the people you lead?

If you do,

What are they?

Leading or desiring to lead from the above standpoint is a recipe for good governance expected of you in your sphere

You are a leader

How fairing are you?

Thank you.


Easy way to read a book

One of us in a personal development class with a mentor asked this question; how do you read so many books? people often ask this question: how do you find time to read them? Just how do you read a book? Do you read it from cover to cover?  The fact is these questions stem from the belief that leaders are readers. By and large, if you plan to be a lasting leader, you must continue to grow. It’s the only way to stay in front and provide fresh ideas and direction.

So, I am going to share with you what the mentor shared with us on how he reads a book and saves time. I began using his ideas and later formed my own steps. Below is a list of tips about how I read a non-fiction book.


  1. Choose books based on your target growth areas

Don’t be random; I don’t read everything that comes out. Know how you want to feed your mind and heart. Each January, I take a day to completely get away and decide what my plan for personal growth is. Then I choose books that are a suitable part of that plan. For a place to start go to

  1. Commit to reading a set number of pages per day

I read 20 pages a day five days a week, which allows me to read at least two books a month. A few years ago, our team used an app that allowed us to hold each other accountable for our growth, our reading, our health, our work, etc. My entire team knew when and if I failed to reach my reading goal. Find ways to keep commitments.

  1. I begin with the author’s bio

I always read the inside flap of a book or I use Google to learn about the background of the author. This will inform me about the perspective, the heart, and the intent behind writing the book. Every book flows from the author’s character, and since you’ll be spending some time with her or him, it’s good to know that person.

  1. Read for speed at first.

When starting a book, read the front matter thoroughly—the introduction, preface, foreword, table of contents. Once you are familiar with the author’s thinking, read the first two and the last two pages of each chapter. Authors almost always get their idea across and summarize it in these pages. This way, you will have received the big ideas of the book.

  1. Review the chapters that were most relevant for you.

Once you grab the big idea, go back and fully digest the great chapters and mark them up. Identify your favorite stories, quotes, statistics, and facts. The criteria should be usable, helpful, relevant, and fitting to your mission. Don’t feel guilty about not reading every word of each chapter.

  1. Record the great stories, quotes, stats, and facts you pulled out. 

You can record them electronically on Evernote. This is a program you can use to file helpful information. If the material is in a hard copy of a book or magazine, file it in a cabinet. All information should be titled. (You may use more than one title and file it in more than one place.)

  1. I write notes on the inside of the front cover.

As I glean good stuff from the pages, I write notes on the inside of the front and back covers.

  1. I use note-taking symbols.

I have made up a set of note-taking symbols I can use to save space and time when I   write down my own thoughts in the margins. I will use stars, triangles, dots, question marks, or even a ballot box if the content requires a decision or action.

  1. To ensure you retain the information—share it with others.

I have found the more I talk about the ideas in a book, the more I am able to keep them in my own mind. It’s one of life’s paradoxes–give the idea away and you keep it yourself.

  1. I review the book and transfer information or to-do items to my agenda.

I have found great books are full of ways for me to change the way I live, lead, and communicate.  So, I will transfer the great stuff (action items) to my to-do list or to a piece I am writing. If I use it for a lesson or talk, this makes it easier to attribute the author for his/her content.

Reflect and Respond

  1. Do you practice any of these steps as you read?

This is for fathers

This is for fathers

I’d like to share a few things with you that my friend who came visiting today on a business call shared with me

The guy is a workaholic who sacrifices all to give his best for the family. Our discussion was a no hold barred. Despite the resounding business success he realised he hasn’t developed himself enough as he’d because of business engagement. He knew money is coming but at a heavy cost to his personal development.

I can relate with his position. I was here before; there were times in my life that it was all about making money, money, money and nothing else mattered but my bank account.

Some of us fathers are still here. We fail to tend to ourselves in personal development and eventually are unable to really serve our household at a LEVEL.

We are starving intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. We fake it for some moments but eventually run out of gas. We create little or no time to fill up our gas; we are emotionally and intellectually starving

Self-leadership involves a deep knowledge of self, a set of morally high values that define who you are, self-control and a commitment to the cause of the family

Stream 2 of The Pathway To Fatherhood course (PTF) will start on Tuesday, August 23, 2022, where we will be revealing to the participants dimensions of personal development needed by fathers to make their fathering easy.

Please, stay tuned for detail and save this date

Fathers need to FEED themselves so they can feed their household well.

Thank you.